The Sixteen-Year Bump
by RickCrowe
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if the lives of the characters in Daria were shifted sixteen years, into the 2010's? All the answers can be found, here, in this tale of mild proportions.
1. Prologue

THE SIXTEEN-YEAR BUMP

PROLOGUE

Many scientists believe that, according to quantum mechanics, there are an infinite amount of universes.

Alright, maybe I should elaborate: suppose that a cat was put into a box of poison, and the box were closed. Let's ignore the question of what kind of horrible person would do this and focus on the fact that once the box is open, the cat will be either alive or dead from eating the poison. Now, when the box is closed, it is impossible to tell whether or not the cat is alive, so it is in a superposition of states- that is, it is both alive and dead at the same time, until somebody opens the box and finds out. When the box is opened, something incredible happens: the universe splits in two; one universe with the cat being alive, the other with the cat being dead and hopefully whoever put the cat in there in the first place being arrested for animal cruelty.

Thus, every event that occurs splits the universe an infinite amount of times, accommodating for the infinite amount of outcomes for every event. This means that there are an infinite amount of universes where fantasies, what-ifs, and even fictional stories exist in an endless amount of ways.

In this story, or rather a documentation of one such universe, an alternate version of the television show (at least, in our world) "Daria" will be presented. As many of you already know, "Daria" was an animated teen dramedy that was created in 1997 and presumably took place around the turn of the 3rd millennium; however, in the events you are about to witness, due to several inexplicable events, the character's lives have been "bumped up" by about sixteen years into the early 2010s, maintaining the social attitudes and technology that our world has at that point in time.

As you will see, the year isn't the only things about the characters that have changed…


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome to Rechter High

CHAPTER ONE

WELCOME TO RECHTER HIGH

Daria woke with a start. She realized that she was still in her father's car, a blue Lexus hatchback, and after a quick look at the car's clock, she had only been asleep for 15 minutes. She took a glance at her father, Jake Morgendorffer, who was quiet and sullen, and then at her little sister, Quinn, who was on her phone, probably texting her friends from Highland.

Highland… she didn't want to think about that place again.

She fished around the floor of the car until she found her notebook. It was a blue, 210-page notebook divided into three sections that she took with her whenever she felt she was going to be bored out of her mind, which unfortunately was more often than she would have liked. She was recommended long ago by one of her guidance counselors to keep a journal or diary with her to express her feelings, but instead she wrote down ideas and stories, mainly of a "realist" nature where the main character ends up dying a horrible death.

Daria flipped several pages until she found the one that she was previously working on. She fetched a pencil from her jean pocket and began to resume writing a description of the dystopian setting in which the main character lived.

A few minutes passed. Then, Jake slowed the car down at a red light and spoke to the girls.

"Now, girls," he began in his usual firm, yet friendly voice, "I know that what happened at your old school was frightening; it certainly scared me a lot, as well as your mother. However, we're in a new town, you'll be going to a new school, and your mother and I are doing everything we can to make sure that you won't have to go through what happened at Highland again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, dad," responded both Daria and Quinn in unison.

Quinn said out loud, "I'm so glad that we'll be starting a new life here in Lawndale!"

"Yeah, says the one who can't stop talking to her old friends for five minutes," muttered Daria, loud enough for Quinn to here.

"Hey! At least I'm not trying to be miserable all the time."

"That's enough, you two," chastised Jake, "It would really be great if you could put an effort into making new friends here in Lawndale, Daria. Since they have Honors classes at the new school, you should be able to find people with the same interests as you. They also have more clubs, groups, extra-curricular activities…" Daria zoned out at what seemed like a combination of her dad trying to convince her to make friends and to join an extra-curricular activity, two things she heavily disliked. After she was sure that her father stopped talking, she began to write again; now she was confident that this society should be communist, but she couldn't decide between Marxist and Leninist.

Later, her father drove into a parking lot, revealing the building of the new school that she and Quinn would be attending in a few days; since her family just moved here, they were given about a week to settle themselves down. She and Quinn were here so that they could take a tour of the school and meet other new kids.

Quinn got out first, followed by Jake, and Daria, who brought her journal with her, came out last. The family headed towards the building.

It was a medium-sized high school building, built with tan bricks and looking very old, having been used as a building for many other schools previously. It was two stories tall and of a rectangular shape, with the section in the middle that served as a lobby jutting out slightly higher than the rest of the building. As they came closer to the door, they could see the sig on top of the doors. It read:

RECHTER CHARTER HIGH SCHOOL

ESTABLISHED 1999

Daria knew that she'd be attending a charter school, but she still hadn't exactly trusted the idea. Sure, she had trouble with the public system in Highland, but that was inevitable because the town in general was down the toilet; with charter schools, even in good areas, they could pretty much make up their own rules. She heard of one not too far away that made suspended an eight-year-old for biting a pop-tart in a way that made it vaguely look like a gun. Not that she had to worry about being punished, but she wanted the staff to at least be competent. Hopefully, fourteen years of experience was enough.

Jake pressed a button at the side of the doors. After a few seconds, a voice over the intercom gave them permission to enter and unlocked the doors. They entered the lobby, revealing a small group of around five kids and a black-haired teenage girl who appeared to be the tour guide. She greeted the Morgendorffers and motioned for Quinn and Daria to join the rest of the kids. Jake said goodbye and exited the school building.

"Hey guys" the woman languidly greeted, "I'm Jane, and I'll be your guide for today's orientation of your new school. Follow me to the library, where I and one of the teachers, Mr. O'Neil, will show you a slideshow about Rechter Charter School."

The group was seated as they paid attention to the Smart Board in front of them. It was connected to a computer that was showing them a PowerPoint slideshow. The man using the computer, who must've been Mr. O'Neil, walked up to the front and introduced himself to the group, stating that he was the Honors Language Arts teacher for all four grades as well as the 10th and 11th grade Creative Writing teacher. He then began the slideshow.

It was the typical orientation slideshow: the title page said "Welcome to Rechter Charter High School" with a picture of the school, it introduced basic facts about the school, such as the motto ("Labore intelligentiam creat; Effort creates intelligence"), the student population (roughly 900) and the course requirements for graduation.

Of course, Daria only paid half attention, using her phone to look up the differences between Marxist and Leninist communism, until she was called on.

"You!" said Mr. O'Neil, having just introduced a fact to the group and looking at Daria. She quickly looked up, surprised. "Do you know one thing that makes our school unique?"

_You use corporal punishment_ would've been her first choice, but of course she played the "strong student community" card.

"That's right!" he exclaimed. "Because of our small number of students, Rechter isn't just a school, it's a _family_!"

_Great, now I have to pretend to get along with two families_, Daria thought to herself. The teacher went back to the Smart Board, so she looked down at her phone to find that the results had shown up. It turned out that both Leninism and Marxism would do, depending on how depressing she wanted the story to be. _Pretty depressing_, she thought, so she decided on Leninism.

Meanwhile, Jane was drawing inside a sketchbook behind her. She was doodling a picture of Mr. O'Neil with a fire hydrant for a head; she decided to draw the dog later. As she began to put the book into her pocket, she saw a girl in front of her writing in a book of her own. Judging by her looks, she figured that she was around her same age, so she tore out the drawing and put it on her desk. Daria found it and picked it up.

Jane could see that Daria was enjoying her little masterpiece. Then, Daria began to draw on it herself and passed it back to her when she was finished. Astonishingly enough, she had added a dog urinating on fire-hydrant O'Neil, exactly what Jane herself was intending to do.

After the orientation, the children waited outside for their parents to pick them up. Daria saw Jane and came toward her.

"Uh, hey… you're the one that gave me the picture, right?"

"And you're the one who drew the dog," the girl responded.

"Right. I'm Daria. Daria Morgendorffer."

"The name's Jane. Jane Lane. You're in 10th grade, right?"

"Yeah," Daria responded. "You?"

"Yep." The girls were silent for a bit. Then Jane said, "Y'know, to be completely honest, this school isn't as good as O'Neil says it is."

"I didn't think it could get any worse," Daria responded. "At least it's not my old school."

Jane appeared intrigued about the notion of a school being worse than her own. She asked, "Where did you used to go?"

Daria paused. She knew the question was inevitable, but she still did not want to risk the chance of being associated with the "incident" at her old school.

"Highland High School," she replied.

"Oh." Jane had a solemn look on her face. Then she asked, "Where's that?"

Daria answered, "Highland, Texas. Pretty close to New Mexico."

"Ah. I'll make sure to look that one up when I get home. Also, I think that's your dad over there, waving at you." Sure enough, Jake Morgendorffer was waving at Daria and Quinn to come towards the van.

Both siblings did as he wanted, and without another word, they entered the hatchback and left for home. As they were driving, Daria silently thanked God that Jane didn't know about her old school. Then, she suddenly remembered that Jane said she'd look up Highland High on the internet when she got home; it would be very likely that an article about the "incident" would show up on a news site. Daria felt very awkward with herself indeed.

************************************************** ************************************************** ******END OF CHAPTER ONE****************************


	3. Chapter 2: Programs and Phonebooks

CHAPTER TWO

PROGRAMS AND PHONEBOOKS

Because they had just moved to Lawndale, Daria and Quinn were allowed three days to adjust to their new home before they began going to school. The first day was spent unpacking boxes full of whatever they brought with them when they moved; it didn't take too long, as they had begun a few days before. After that, the Morgendorffers behaved as they typically would on weekends: Quinn texting or Skyping her friends, Helen e-mailing and talking to clients on the telephone, Jake watching the news or staring silently out the window, and Daria watching "Sick, Sad World," a tabloid webshow and television series that exploited egregious and often obviously fake eccentricities, not unlike the television adaptation of "Ripley's Believe it or Not!". Daria never understood why exactly she liked "Sick, Sad World," as it was truly no more worthwhile that the reality shows she so heavily opposed; nevertheless, watching it took up the better part of her three-day break.

When she wasn't watching "Sick, Sad World," however, Daria worried that the only remotely interesting person she has ever met in this town, Jane Lane, would change her opinion of her after she learned about what happened at her old school.

Allen Dougherty is, or at least was, a mailman in his late twenties. Despite having dreamt of being a psychologist during his high school years, he was still proud of his job, as he often got to take a peek into the minds of the local townspeople when glancing at the envelopes. Of course, on this particular night, he was delivering new phonebooks to residents living in the eastern side of the county. First he stopped at Highland, an old, somewhat unclean medium-sized town not too far from where Allen himself grew up. Fortunately, he was only assigned the well-off neighborhoods that were distant from the uglier parts of town.

Once he had reached Maple Street, the first such neighborhood, he stopped his truck, took out his bag, and stepped out onto the sidewalk. While most mailmen would simply leave phonebooks in the mailbox or on the front porch, Allen felt that he should try to connect with his customers; doing so lead to him being employee of the month in August of 2010 and last April. He rang the resident's doorbell, waited for him or her to open it, handed the resident a phonebook, and went to the next house to complete the same procedure.

His rounds on Maple Street began as they typically would; for the first five houses or so, his deliveries were met with an adult who gave a response that was some variant of "thanks". One delivery, however, stood out from the others because he was greeted by a teenager with a fairly long jaw and blond hair in an odd pompadour style.

The strange thing about him was that he seemed to be home alone, along with his friend or brother whom he could barely see sitting on the couch. While he had certainly been greeted by children before, they had always had their parents at home with them; children never answer when they are alone because they are always taught to never answer the doorbell when their parents are away. Allen gave little thought to it however, and moved on to the next house.

The teenager, whose name was Beavis, entered his house with the phonebook.

"Hey, Butt-Head," he alerted to his brown-haired friend on the couch, "check it out, new phone book."

Butt-Head looked away from the television to receive the tome of telephone numbers.

"Cool!" he interjected. "Let's, like, call someone." He leafed through the pages of the phonebook, looking through bland entries such as "Truman, Matthew" or "Kincaid, Isabelle," until he found one entry that piqued his interest.

"Sachz… Harry… huh huh, Harry Sachz! Let's call that one, Beavis." The two headed into the bathroom with their wireless phone to prank call Harry Sachz.

"Hey Beavis, check this out," Butt-Head said as he finished dialing Harry's number and placed the phone into the toilet.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a physically imposing man named Harry Sachz was drinking beer, when his telephone began to ring. He put down his drink and picked up the phone.

He greeted "Hello?" and was surprised and quite distraught to hear the flushing of a toilet in the background. He angrily slammed the phone down onto the receiver, nearly breaking it, and began to drink his beer again.

Back at Beavis' house, the two boys were laughing their heads off.

"That was cool," noted Butt-Head, as Beavis was picking up their phone from the toilet which was now nearly devoid of water. It was wet but undamaged and still intact after being flushed.

"Let's do that again," demanded Beavis, who was still laughing.

"Maybe later," replied Butt-Head, "I just found a channel with a bunch of hot chicks exercising."

"Wow , really?" said Beavis, whose interests had obviously changed within the last few seconds.

"Yeah, their clothes are, like, really tight and you can see their boobs." With that, both boys headed to the living room to watch the aforementioned exercise program.

END OF CHAPTER TWO


End file.
